Not you
by Lowri Brandybuck
Summary: MP SLASH
1. Not you

**Full of mistakes, I'm sure.**

**Basically, a letter Pippin writes to Merry before he gets married. SLASH, again. Hope you enjoy. And please REVIEW!! Oh, and I don't own anything.****

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**Not you**

I'm getting married, Merry. And it's not to you. One of the few regrets of my life, I suppose.

It all happened so quickly didn't it? Argue with you one night, and by the end of the week, I'm engaged. To some lass I hardly know, to someone my father thinks is appropriate. Someone who isn't you.

It's Diamond, from Long Cleeve. Remember her? The lass I had to dance with at Sam and Rosie's wedding. When you were more interested in cake and ale than me.

I hope you know that I'd give anything to be with you right now. Even if we did argue and fight. Even if you did call me a baby. Even I did call you stuck-up. Even if we lied to everyone. Even if Love was just another word. At least I would have been with you.

But we both knew that we could never be together. You told me often enough.

_We're expected to get married, Pip. We have to. What will our families say?_

_I don't care._

_Yes. You do._

But it was a nice dream wasnt it? That we could let people know we were in love and no one would mind. That we would be accepted. That our families would be _proud_ of us, instead of dissapointed.

Do you remember, Merry, everything we did together? Swimming in the river... Well, trying to, anyway. Sleeping under the apple tree behind Brandy Hall. Watching the children playing hid-and-seek. Do you remember trying to cook Elanor's birthday cake? How you threw the strawberries on the floor when you couldn't do it?

I hope you get this letter, love. My mother promised to give it to you, but my father may find it first. And I doubt I'll be able to talk to you at the wedding.

Because they found out about us. And it was my fault. I was upset and angry and I never wanted to see you again. So I told Pimpernel. And she told everyone else for me.

But... I do hope you get this letter, Merry. Because I had to tell you about Diamond and about my father.

And that I still love you.

Yours, always and forever, as you've always known,

Pippin.


	2. I'm sorry

**Came up with this last night. Went through a an inspiration streak. Wrote another one, andone which I'll put up on my birthday. Gotta wait 'til june for that though :) Enjoy.**

**Merry / Pippin Slash again. Have I missed anything....**

**Don't own this. And thanks for everyone who reviewed.**

**Continuation, obviously.**

**Review please !!**

**Enjoy!**

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**I'm sorry**

I'm sorry I wasn't there today, Pip. But my father didn't want to leave Brandy Hall. I did try though, believe me, please.

I'm going back to Crickhollow. I'm fed up with not being trusted by anyone, especially not my father. Maybe I won't be completely out of their control but it's good enough for me. Maybe Diamond will let you visit me? Maybe it'll be like it was before. I doubt it, but let me dream.

You know, I sat in my room, earlier, and stared at the door. I could hear the cheers, when It was over. When the dreaded 'Always and Forever' kiss was over. And I couldn't help but think about me there instead of Diamond. And I dreamt and wished that it was me you promised to love forever, in front of the whole Shire. But it wasn't was it?

I half expected you to come through the door, and tell me you'd run away from them, and you were ready to run away with me. I had to hope for something, I guess.

I suppose we won't be together anymore, and I don't know how I'll cope. You've always been with me. Always. And when you weren't with me, I was thinking of you. And even if you can live without me, I can't live without you. Without being near you, or seeing you, or just... living without you. I don't know about you, Pippin, but I'm going to find it hard to forget the four year of my life that meant so much to me, just like... that.

I'm sorry. For everything. Everything. I've ever done wrong. I'm sorry for pushing you out an apple tree when you were 12 and broke your arm. I'm sorry for making fun of you when you were all dressed up for Bilbo's birthday party. And you didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I'm sorry for locking you outside Crickhollow and you caught that cold. I'm sorry for always calling you a baby. I'm sorry for ever thinking, for ever saying I hated you. I'm sorry.

Pippin, I know I should say this, but... I wish you were coming with me. I know things are different from when we sat in front of the fire talking about it, and that there are a new million reasons for you not to come. Diamond being a main one.

I have to go now, if I want any hope of reaching Crickhollow before nightfall. I'll be thinking of you, Pip. Wishing you were with me.

I love you, Pippin. Always have and always will.

Meriadoc Brandybuck


	3. Mistake

_Hmm...Shorter._

_And I think you can guess what happened. If not... erm, talk to your mother._

_I own nothing. However, as many people have said before me, if you would like to donate them..._

_Please enjoy._

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Merry, 

We shouldn't have done that.

That's why I left so early. If I stayed, it would have been so easy to forget everything that's happened.

When I woke up, your arms were around me and your face was burried in my hair - I could feel you smiling. I wanted so much to fall back asleep. I didn't want to leave or go, I wanted to pretend everything was back to normal for us. I wanted to pretend that there was nothing to stop us from staying together in that house for as long as we wanted.

But I couldn't let that happen. Not now.

And if I didn't go, then everything might go back tot he way it was before. And if that happened, I'm not sure I could bare to change things.

Remember when no one cared about what we were doing at Crickhollow, or why we were living together and not with our families, ready for the resoncibilites that were waiting for us. Even back then, we couldn't tell anyone. We knew they'd seperate us.

It was a mistake, Merry. A perfect mistake that I have wanted for so long and so much. But still a mistake. One that can never be repeated.

Merry, forgive me.

Always and forever,

Peregrin


End file.
